(Apparently we forgot to post this! We’re great at this guys. Really we were waiting to see if we could post production Tim’s hat away but that technology does not exist yet, apparently.) 

Don’t Talk, Watch.

What we’ll be watching this week: Gatekeepers, Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia

Tim’s recent theatre outings: Emperor

Julie’s: Jack the Giant Slayer

In which Julie and Tim discuss how the French New Wave would have loved iPhone video making Apps, Julie’s continued disdain of romantic comedies, how Burt Wonderstone is perfectly suited for comedy, Tim’s heartbreak that if Amy Poehler and Will Arnet can’t make it then nobody can, heart attack inducing movies, Jack the Giant Slayer and Emperor’s complete lack of worth, Tarsem Singh spending all his emotional understanding in making The Fall, Tim’s continued effort to convince Julie of James Franco’s value as a human being.

Julie has mixed feelings about commentaries, Tim’s relates his obsession with watching the Story of Film instead of going to the movies, Julie believes that Sergio Corbucci is one of the great Italian directors, Tim weighs the difference between good scripts and good acting, and Julie still hasn’t finished Sword of Doom, a fact Tim decides not to remind her of (until now).

These are getting longer, sorry, we didn’t even talk about Spring Breakers or The Call which hey, we didn’t really need to because fuck those movies. 

Don’t Talk, Watch.

What we’ll be watching this week: Oz The Great and Powerful, Dead Man Down, Emperor (Tim).

Tim’s recent theatre outings: Happy People: A Year in the Taiga

Julie’s: John Dies at the End.

In which Julie and Tim discuss the only redeeming parts of Pineapple Express, how Nicholas Hoult’s face scares Julie more than James Franco’s personality annoys her, the superhero franchise destroying proclivities of certain Hollywood darling directors, when surreal horror comedies don’t know how to market themselves they double down on the teen stoner audience,  why some of the best horror movies of the 80s are also the most bizarre and surreal, if Matthew Fox can actually act or if he’s only really good at pretending he can act, the nationality of Ernst Lubistch, and Tim’s inability to properly explain anything about the Samurai film genre.

Tim does a perfect Werner Herzog impression, Julie laughs at the idea of CGIing period costumes and cars, Tim can’t remember any actors name without first naming at least one character they have played, especially if that actor is Paul Giamatti, Julie lists 4 movies that she probably will go see but who knows really, Tim questions the pedigree of Hansel and Gretel, Julie laughs at the idea that James Franco has been good in something,  Tim only recommends movies so he has someone with to bitch about them, Julie reminds us she can’t go see scary movies in theater because she is ridiculous,  Tim admits to his least favorite place to see a movie but mumbles so hopefully nobody holds it against him, and Julie reminds Tim of how awesome Don Corscarelli and the Phantasm series is. 

14 minutes, and we know you’ve sat through all those mumblecore movies so you can fucking sit through this. 

Spoiler Series - Brokeback Mountain

In which Julie questions the maturity in her choice of friends, and Tim manages not once to wax swoonishly about Michelle Williams.

(Eds Note: The following has been cut from a longer conversation, wheat and chaffe and all that.)

Tim: If Jake Gyllenhaal ever looked at me like that I wouldn’t be responsible for what happened after. His face should be a registered intoxicant.

Julie: heh. it was pretty excellent. so sad.

T: Sad but not hopeless or pessimistic. The entire movie just burned with this slow passion that would ignite suddenly.

J: There’s nothing contrived about it. I don’t mind romance as the subject when it is something that is not contrived, hacky, cliched, stereotypical, or otherwise not well done etc.

T: A lot of pain, Ennis and Jack are both seemingly good people at heart.

T: It is an interesting take on star crossed, forbidden love.

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Don’t Talk, Watch.

What we’ll be watching this week: (Definitely) Side Effects, (Maybe) Les Misérables, Bullet 2 Da Head, A Good Day to Die Hard (or The Last Stand).

Tim’s recent theatre outings: The Theater of Disappointment.

Julie’s: Vertigo (70mm).

In Which Tim and Julie discuss Tim’s understanding of Hitchcock movies only through other movies in which they appear, shitty late 90s cable TV, movies that could go on for six hours, Julie’s hatred of Tim, Julie’s incredulity that someone could own a movie for 8 years and never have watched it, Tim’s inability to remember anyone’s name or how to pronounce them correctly, Julie not being able to tell between a 120 minute cut of a movie and a 110 minute cut, and Tim’s trial and tribulation of having to suffer through Live Free and Die Hard.

Tim slowly rambles on about too many things with many pauses, but it includes Raul Julia so that makes it ok, Julie gushes over Stephen Soderbergh’s ability to make movies, Tim does his best impression of President Obama’s hand gestures and reads from Walter Hill’s filmography, Julie refuses to “spoil” a 55 year old movie, but instead pretends to be interested when Tim word associates his way to Steven Seagal’s name, Tim counts the number of Kurosawa movies he owns but still comes up one short, it’s 9, he owns 9 Kurosawa movies, and Julie looks forward to movies longer than 88 minutes that include explosions.

There’s at least a good 5 minutes in this one guys, so you should really listen to all of it. You don’t want to miss Julie’s free-style rap about Lincoln at the end.

Spoiler Series - Pariah

In which Julie makes a journey from liking to really really liking (like like liking, you know) and Tim identifies way too much with fictional characters for his own good.

(Ed. Note: Julie wants me to say something about how this is long and rambling and we promise next time it will be better and amazing and genius and like the first time y’all read fucking Tolstoy or something I dunno. We’ll figure it out.)

T: so you thought it was very good but your dislike of the indie aesthetic keeps you from actually disliking it
J: ok. overall, I liked it but didn’t love it.
J: Adepero was excellent
T: I thought the whole cast was excellent
T: but obviously she had to carry the movie
J: I thought there were some rough acting moments, mostly between the parents
J: they were overall great
J: Laura was excellent
J: really excellent
T: oh see I thought the moments between the parents weren’t rough because of the performances
T: I read them as rough and real because those moments were rough and real
J: agreed, but there were moments when the performance of those rough and real moments did not come through 100%, and it took me out of the scene a little
J: so, you loved this, obviously?
T: I dunno
T: it was a movie about something… ;)
T: it was a movie about a reality that exists
T: I think it’s one of the better coming-of-age stories I’ve seen in a long while

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Don’t Talk, Watch.

What we’ll be watching this week: Brokeback Mountain (Jointly); Side Effects, Gangster Squad, Les Miserables (Tim); Vertigo (70mm) (Julie)

Tim’s recent theatre outings: Clue, The Oscar Nominated Animated Shorts, Warm Bodies, Quartet.

Julie’s: The Theater of Depression.

In which Tim and Julie discuss Tim’s inability to deal with a Rocky Horror Picture Show style audience participation during one of his favorite movies, how Julie’s love of fried chicken wings, sweaty men crouched behind one another, and crippling sadness prevented her from making it to the movie theater, Tim’s complete dismissal of skill that went into animate Paperman as something that should be awarded, Julie’s silent damning of anything related to latter day The Simpsons, and Julie gets ravenously excited for a 70 millimeter screening of Vertigo.

Tim realizes 8 minutes in that the 1 camera has never left his face and scrambles to figure out how to fix that, only to determine that switching from Camera 1 to Camera 2 is now up to him, his first directing and acting gig! Julie maintains a calm demeanor as Tim rattles off Ang Lee’s entire oeuvre and denies that Eric Banana is a decent substitute for Mark Ruffalo. Tim adds Tom Courtenay’s name to a list of names he will never be able to pronounce correctly, and will always refer to Sam Elliot as “the Giant Mustache Man.”  Julie is severely worried about Nick Nolte’s health. 

They should probably stop recording these things right before they both go to bed unless they want to be lumped into Mumblecore.

Don’t Talk! Watch! 

What we’ll be watching this week: Pariah, Warm Bodies, The Oscar Nominated Animated Shorts, Johnnie To’s Lifeline. 

Tim’s recent theatre outings: Parker

Julie’s: Parker

In which Julie and Tim discuss Julie’s hatred for Romantic-Comedies, even when they have zombies, whether or not Alan Arkin being in a movie qualifies it as a must-see, that a Jason Momoa With an Ax movie would better than any movie Stallone has been in in the past 10 years, Julie’s possible unhealthy obsession with the Johnnie To oeuvre,  how they are funding their theater going habits, if Julie knows where the cheapest popcorn is in the land of 70mm screenings, and Tim questions why he even pretends to care about seeing Oscar nominated movies.

Jeremy Renner’s butt comes up again but is his butt as good as his forearms? These are the questions that need to be answered, Hollywood! Tim is thrown by Julie’s request to rewatch the Godfather, possibly because of his life-long fear of oranges. Julie doesn’t wear a monocle this time so they are able to shave 10 seconds off their conversation, unfortunately it seems the enthusiasm is based solely on the movie they watched together that week, so they fully blame Parker for their affect flat-ness on this weeks outings.

And here’s the trailer for Pariah. Watch it! 

Spoilers! Shut UP!

In which Julie and Tim see Parker and get lost in it’s complex beauty… NOT.

Julie: What is in Jason Statham’s contracts that he always has to play the bad guy with the heart of gold?
J: Am I making stuff up about Parker’s character? Isn’t he an essentially cruel and single-minded character?
J: I only read the hunter and part of the outfit but it was awhile ago. I don’t really remember.
T: I have not read “Flashfire”, so maybe in that book Parker is portrayed differently, but I dunno.
T: I hated it so much I don’t even know if I can right now. Parker doesn’t have a heart of gold! That’s the whole fucking point!
J: Ok, thats’ what I thought.
J: Sorry to have made you see it.
T: I’m not sad I saw it. It had some decent moments.
J: Yes some decent moments. Overall I did not hate it but I also do not have a real connection to the character Parker. But I imagine if that character was done right, it would be glorious.
T: What the hell was with that fucking coda with the Kentucky tomato farmers or whatever?
J: He’s such a good guy! Ugh.
T: I just put on the untouchables to make myself feel better.
J: :)
J: Let’s imagine his name is like Fluffy or something. So the movie Fluffy, which has nothing to do with a character created by Richard Stark, was… not so great either.

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Don’t Talk! Watch! 

What we’ll be watching this week: Parker

Tim’s recent theatre outings: The Last Stand, Broken City, Mama

Julie’s: Broken City, The Untouchables (1987), Hansel & Gretel

In which Julie and Tim talk about how it’s great to watch Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner get the shit kicked out of them in Hansel & Gretel, whether or not Nikolaj Coster-Waldau plays his own twin ala some Adaptation scenario in Mama, how the ghost of Ennio Morricone could have made Gangster Squad an amazing movie, what decade The Untouchables was first released, if it’s possible that Parker could ever live up to the source material and if Tim will ever pronounce Michael Haneke’s name correctly. Tim also completely dismisses The Last Stand as a movie anyone should ever see, and we all contemplate what could have been if Haneke had made Funny People instead of Judd Apatow.

Julie wears a monocle for the beginning, Tim’s “like” count is somewhere in the upper 50s, and at least one of them is talking about Die Hard 4 when they actually mean Die Hard 5. Julie hates crying in movies, and is avoiding seeing Rust and Bone and Tim fails to mention that he cried several times during Mama. Oh poor Mama, Nick Fury will never invite you to join the Avenger Initiative. 

Tim was referring to this Jim Emerson review of Haneke’s Funny Games, for those doing the follow up readings.